At some point in our lives we have all yearned to be in love. We desire a love that feels like the ones in the movies. The love that seems so out of reach, yet we never stop wanting it. The love that makes you smile from within. The love that almost makes you cry because what could be more beautiful, what could be more meaningful.
We go through life hoping to meet that person that gives us a spark. A feeling like no other. We think, I’ll meet someone and I’ll fall in love and we will live happily ever after. But what if that’s not how it works. I always wondered why some people are so lucky. They meet their soulmate. How lucky are they to have found them, while so many others have no such luck at all. But is it luck? Can we chalk it up to “life’s not fair”?
When I thought of love, I thought of it as this feeling that is uncontrollable. Something that just happens to you. But does it just happen?
Most of the adults in my life, family… friends… etc, are single, unhappily paired or divorced. They’ve given up on love and have found comfort in the peace of isolation and seclusion. I would think to myself, that doesn’t sound half bad. If I don’t ever meet the one, I’ll be ok alone. And while I have no doubt that I would be, what happens when ok is no longer enough.
I think most people fear love because of the possibility of losing it and the constant discomfort it brings. However, love isn’t something you have or even keep; it is something you are. So wait, the thing I’m yearning for is already within me? What if we are all wrong about love?
What if love isn’t something that you find or stumble upon or even get lucky at, love is something we create from what is already within us. Many of us just haven’t taken the risk of creating it. Why you might ask, well because it’s work of course and who likes work.
Now I don’t necessarily believe creating lasting love is hard work but I do think it’s the type of work that leaves us with no protection. It’s the kind of work that requires courage and uncertainty. And no one likes the unknown. So we try to control it. We give a little love here and there but it comes with parameters and limitations. Now of course if it’s abusive, it’s not love but it may look like discomfort at times. Are we willing to sit with discomfort? Have you ever experienced personal growth without discomfort?
What if we are all wrong about love? Maybe we fear it because it means exposing a part of ourselves that admits to needing someone else. Yuk…. NEED…that word makes me uncomfortable just saying it. We need many things, water, air, shelter….. Why not love. Now no one needs love to survive life, but I would argue that we all need love to truly live.
What if we are all wrong about love? It’s not something that happens by chance, its something that you intentionally create. We don’t find love, we find ourselves. The two journeys are always parallel. Both journeys are about uncovering our deepest desires and confronting whats no longer working It may not be easy but its always worth it. Some people believe love should be easy but from my own personal experience, nothing in life that was ever worth having, came to me easy. The truth is the reward is in the work and the love is what you have to show for it in the end. Creating a lasting love is the same journey of finding who you truly are. So I guess whether we are talking about romantic love, platonic love or self love, we are always on a journey of love.
I think I’ve been wrong about love
