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Happiness is a choice: The Mindset shift of choosing to be Happy

Finding Joy VS Being Joy

We’ve all heard it before: “If only I had a better job, a larger house, or a more understanding partner, then I’d be truly happy.” This sentiment encapsulates a widespread belief that happiness is largely, if not entirely, a product of external circumstances.

Many people wander through life chasing these external markers of joy, believing that once they’ve amassed enough of them, they will find lasting happiness. In essence, the premise is that our external environment, whether it’s our job, relationships, or material possessions, holds the sole key to our inner contentment and finding happiness.

However, the narrative is shifting, and there’s a growing acknowledgment that “happiness is a choice.” This doesn’t negate the influence of external factors but emphasizes the significant role our internal perspective plays in our overall well-being.

Happiness isn’t just a passive response to the world around us; it’s an active choice we make every day, regardless of our circumstances. By understanding and internalizing the concept that “happiness is a choice,” we grant ourselves the power to shape our emotional landscape, moving beyond the constraints of external influences.

The Neuroscience Behind Happiness

Neuroscience has provided us with fascinating insights into the intricate dance of chemicals and circuits that underpin our feelings, including happiness. While our emotional experiences are multifaceted and cannot be reduced to mere biochemical processes, understanding some of these processes can help illuminate why the concept of “happiness is a choice” has scientific merit.

The Role of Hormones

Serotonin: Often dubbed the “feel good” hormone, serotonin plays a pivotal role in regulating mood, appetite, and sleep. Low levels of serotonin are linked with feelings of depression, while increased levels can promote a sense of well-being and contentment.

Dopamine: Think of those moments when you achieve a goal or receive a compliment, and that rush of pleasure that ensues; that’s dopamine at work. It’s associated with the reward system of the brain, giving us feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. It drives motivation, reinforcement, and goal-directed behaviors.

Oxytocin: Sometimes referred to as the “love hormone” or “social bonding hormone,” oxytocin is released during close physical touch, like hugging, and plays a significant role in social bonding, childbirth, and maternal behaviors. It fosters feelings of trust, empathy, and connection between individuals.

Mindset and Thought Patterns

Our brains are not just passive recipients of hormonal effects; they’re dynamic entities capable of influencing hormone release based on our thoughts, behaviors, and experiences. This is where the power of mindset comes into play.

Cognitive Influences: When we engage in positive self-talk, reminisce on good memories, or practice gratitude, we can stimulate the release of these happiness-related hormones. Conversely, dwelling on negative thoughts or ruminating over past grievances can suppress their release.

Behavioral Reinforcement: Engaging in activities known to release these hormones, such as exercise (which can boost dopamine and serotonin levels) or spending quality time with loved ones (promoting oxytocin release), can create a positive feedback loop. Over time, as we consistently make these choices, we can influence our habitual thought patterns and brain chemistry.

Mindfulness and Meditation: There’s growing evidence that practices like mindfulness and meditation can influence the brain’s neuroplasticity, effectively reshaping neural pathways to enhance the release of positive hormones and decrease stress-related hormones like cortisol.

The Power of Perception

Red store sign, lighting up, reading "Happy"

Our perception, or the way we interpret and give meaning to events and situations, profoundly affects our emotional and psychological well-being. It’s not merely the events themselves that determine our feelings but how we choose to view and interpret them. This underscores the idea that “happiness is a choice,” as our perceptions can be adjusted, reframed, or entirely transformed.

How Interpretation Influences Emotional Response

Cognitive Appraisal: At the heart of our emotional responses is a process called cognitive appraisal. This involves evaluating an event or situation concerning our personal beliefs, past experiences, and current life circumstances. Our emotional reactions arise from these appraisals rather than the events themselves.

Belief Systems and Core Values: Our deeply-held beliefs and values act as filters through which we view the world. If an event aligns with our core values or confirms our beliefs, our emotional response is likely to be more positive. Conversely, if it challenges our worldview, we might respond with negative emotions.

Past Experiences: Our historical experiences shape how we interpret new ones. For instance, someone who has faced betrayal in the past might perceive a friend’s oversight more skeptically than someone without such an experience.

Examples of Different Perceptions

Job Loss Scenario: Person A loses their job and perceives it as a devastating failure, leading to feelings of shame and despair. In contrast, Person B, facing the same situation, views it as an opportunity to explore new careers or to take a break, leading to feelings of hope and optimism.

Feedback at Work: Upon receiving constructive criticism, one employee might interpret it as an attack on their competence, feeling deflated and defensive. Another might perceive it as valuable feedback for growth, feeling motivated to improve.

Rainy Day Interpretation: For one individual, a rainy day might signify gloom, leading to feelings of sadness or lethargy. For another, it could symbolize coziness and a chance to curl up with a book, leading to feelings of contentment.

Social Gathering: After attending a social gathering where they spoke to only a few people, one person might perceive it as evidence of their social ineptitude and feel isolated. Another might see it as a quality over quantity scenario, cherishing the deep conversations they had and feeling fulfilled.

Mindset Shifts for Choosing Happiness

friends gathering in happiness

The path to happiness often requires a shift in mindset, a recalibration of how we perceive the world and our place within it. This transformative journey is underpinned by several pivotal mindset shifts that reinforce the idea that “happiness is a choice.”

Embracing Gratitude

Benefits of Gratitude: Gratitude has been extensively studied in the field of positive psychology, and the results are compelling. Those who regularly practice gratitude have been found to have reduced depressive symptoms, higher levels of optimism, and even better physical and mental health. Gratitude can also decrease envy and enhance our ability to form meaningful relationships.

Impact on Overall Happiness: When we focus on what we have rather than what we lack, it fosters a sense of abundance. This shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset amplifies positive emotions and reduces feelings of deprivation and resentment. Recognizing and appreciating life’s small pleasures reminds us that “happiness is a choice” we can make daily by simply adjusting our focus.

Reframing Challenges

Seeing Obstacles as Opportunities: Every challenge, no matter how daunting, carries within it the seeds of personal growth, and learning. Instead of viewing difficulties as setbacks, we can choose to see them as opportunities to develop resilience, acquire new skills, or gain deeper insights into ourselves.

Value in Reframing: When we shift our perspective from being a victim of circumstance to being an active learner, we reclaim control over our emotional well-being. This proactive approach resonates deeply with the idea that “happiness is a choice,” as it involves consciously deciding to find the silver lining, even in stormy clouds.

Living in the Present

Significance of Mindfulness: Mindfulness is about being fully present in the moment, without judgment. It involves acknowledging thoughts and feelings as they arise, but not getting entangled in them. This focus on the now can significantly reduce stress and anxiety, which often stem from ruminating on the past or worrying about the future.

Choosing Present Moment Happiness: By grounding ourselves in the present, we can savor life’s fleeting moments and derive joy from them. This emphasizes that “happiness is a choice” we make moment by moment, we seek happiness by deciding where we place our attention.

Cultivating Positive Relationships

The Role of Positive Influences: Our surroundings, including the people we interact with, play a crucial role in shaping our mindset. Being around positive, supportive, and uplifting individuals can boost our mood, motivate us, and offer perspectives that enhance our overall well-being.

Happiness Through Connection: Building and maintaining positive relationships provides a sense of belonging, love, and support. It serves as a reminder that “happiness is a choice” that is often intertwined with our decision to invest in and nurture these meaningful connections.

Practical Tips for Implementing the Choice of Happiness

Choosing happiness often entails adopting specific practices that elevate our mood and shift our focus towards the positive aspects of life. Here are some tangible steps to help steer oneself towards a happier mindset:

Daily Journaling

Benefits: Journaling allows us to process emotions, reflect on our day, and highlight moments of joy or lessons learned. When we consistently jot down positive events or things we’re grateful for, it acts as a mental reinforcement, emphasizing the good over the bad.

Implementation: Start with a simple gratitude journal, writing down three things you’re grateful for each day. Over time, this practice can enhance one’s awareness of positive occurrences and foster a more optimistic outlook fulfilling life.

Mindful Meditation

Why it Helps: Meditation can reduce stress, anxiety, and negative emotions. It also promotes self-awareness and can improve concentration.

Implementation: Dedicate a few minutes each day—whether in the morning or before bed—to sit in a quiet place, focus on your breathing, and center yourself. There are numerous guided meditation apps and online resources that can assist beginners in establishing this meditation practice.

Positive Affirmations

Impact of Self-talk: Our internal dialogue significantly shapes our perception of ourselves and our circumstances. Positive thoughts and affirmations can rewire our brain to adopt a more optimistic and confident mindset, combatting self-doubt and negativity.

Implementation: Identify negative beliefs or thought patterns and counteract them with positive statements. For example, instead of thinking, “I can’t handle this,” tell yourself, “I am resilient and capable.” Repeat these affirmations daily, ideally in front of a mirror.

Limiting Exposure to Negativity

Influence of External Sources: Our mental well-being can be heavily influenced by external factors like the media. Constant exposure to negative news can induce feelings of fear, sadness, or anxiety.

Implementation: Choose to consume media mindfully. Set specific times when you’ll check the news, and avoid sensationalist outlets. Also, assess your social circles and online spaces. It might be beneficial to distance oneself from perpetually pessimistic individuals or to curate social media feeds to include more uplifting and constructive content.

Engaging in Activities that Spark Joy

Finding Passion: Activities that we love can act as an oasis of joy, providing relief from daily stressors and recharging our spirits.

Implementation: Identify activities or hobbies that bring you joy, whether it’s reading, dancing, painting, hiking, or even cooking. Dedicate time each week to engage in these activities, viewing them not as indulgences but as essential components of your happiness regimen.

Challenges in Choosing Happiness

While the idea that “happiness is a choice” offers empowerment and optimism, it’s essential to recognize that the journey towards consistent happiness is punctuated with challenges. Life’s unpredictability and our inherent human complexities can sometimes make the path towards joy a winding one.

Some Days Will Be Tougher Than Others

Inevitable Lows: It’s a natural part of the human experience to have days where emotions dip, energy wanes, and motivation dwindles. Factors like hormonal fluctuations, health issues, or unforeseen life events can cast shadows over our best intentions to remain positive.

Acceptance Over Resistance: Instead of resisting or berating oneself for these low days, accepting them as a part of the ebb and flow of life can be more constructive. By giving ourselves permission to feel, without judgment, we pave the way for quicker emotional recovery.

External Factors Impacting Happiness

Uncontrollable Events: Certain events, like natural disasters, global crises, or personal tragedies, can drastically affect our emotional landscape. These occurrences remind us of our vulnerabilities and can temporarily overshadow our efforts to maintain a positive mindset.

Societal Pressures: The societal norms, expectations, and pressures, whether regarding career success, personal relationships, or appearance, can impose burdens on our happiness. Navigating these external expectations while trying to maintain inner peace can be challenging.

Choosing Happiness: A Journey, Not a Destination

Ongoing Process: Choosing happiness is not about reaching a static state of perpetual joy but about continuously making choices that align with our well-being. It’s about resilience, adaptability, and the commitment to seeking joy even when it seems elusive.

Embrace the Learning Curve: Every challenge, setback, or tough day is an opportunity to learn and grow. By reframing difficulties as learning experiences, we can extract value even from adversity.

Reassurance: It’s okay to have moments, days, or even extended periods where happiness feels distant. The beauty lies in knowing that we have the capacity to always choose joy again, to redirect our paths, and to seek out the light even in the darkest tunnels.

Common Misconceptions about Choosing Happiness

In our journey to understand and cultivate happiness, we often confront numerous misconceptions that can cloud our perceptions and hinder our progress. Addressing these misconceptions is vital in creating a clear path to genuine happiness and understanding the true essence of the phrase, “happiness is a choice.”

Ignoring Negative Emotions is Not Choosing Happiness

Misconception: One prevalent belief is that to choose happiness today, one must bury, deny, or sidestep negative emotions. This leads some to suppress feelings of sadness, anger, or disappointment, under the guise of choosing happiness.

Reality Check: Choosing happiness doesn’t equate to emotional suppression. In fact, acknowledging and processing negative emotions is a crucial step towards true contentment. Emotions, both positive and negative, are a natural part of the human experience. By allowing ourselves to feel and understand these emotions, we gain insight into our needs, boundaries, and triggers, thereby fostering deeper self-awareness and emotional resilience.

Toxic Positivity vs. Genuine Happiness

Understanding Toxic Positivity: This term refers to the overgeneralization of a very positive attitude or outlook, where negative emotions are rejected or invalidated. It’s the excessive and ineffective over-positivity that denies the reality of a situation or emotion.

Genuine Happiness: On the other hand, genuine happiness arises from a balanced understanding of our emotional spectrum. It recognizes that while we strive for joy and contentment, we also respect and honor our feelings during tougher times. Genuine happiness is about finding contentment and peace regardless of the situation, not by avoiding reality but by understanding and navigating it with wisdom and grace.

Distinguishing the Two: While toxic positivity might offer a temporary facade of happiness, it lacks depth and often leads to emotional exhaustion or disillusionment. Genuine happiness, on the other hand, is rooted in authenticity. It embraces the fullness of human emotion and uses every experience, whether joyous or challenging, as a stepping stone towards deeper understanding and contentment.


woman joyfully laughing

The pursuit of happiness, a universal endeavor spanning cultures, ages, and histories, has often been intertwined with the conditions of our external world. Yet, as our exploration reveals, the essence of happiness, its ebb and flow, is intrinsically connected to our internal compass.

The Power Within

The vast tapestry of life presents us with myriad events: some uplifting, others challenging, and many that lie in between. While these externalities undoubtedly influence our emotional landscape, they don’t hold dominion over it.

The core message, one that is both empowering and transformative, is that the power to choose happiness largely resides within us. Our reactions, perceptions, and decisions in the face of life’s unpredictabilities often hold the key to our contentment.

Taking Small, Consistent Steps

Embarking on the journey of choosing happiness doesn’t necessitate monumental changes overnight. The magic often lies in the minutiae — the small, consistent steps we take towards cultivating a positive mindset.

Whether it’s pausing for a moment of gratitude, immersing ourselves in activities that spark joy, or simply allowing ourselves to breathe deeply during trying times, every step counts. By committing to these daily endeavors, we not only foster happiness but also fortify our resilience against life’s inevitable storms.